ODWA: What I am truly afraid of!

When pondering the question, "what am I truly afarid of", my mind runs right to spiders, snakes, creepy bugs.. but this is normal. Most people dont like the thought of a spider on them or near them or a snake slithering by them, so I had to dig deeper to figure out my true fear..

I guess I have more than one fear, but they would all fall under the same catergory "Family".

Here is a list of my fears (truly deep fears and why)

1.) I am terrified of divorce (ERIC AND MY RELATIONSHIP IS FINE!!!) Ever since I was younger and watched all my family divorce and fall apart it has truly been a fear of mine. It made me scared to love and to fall in love because I dont want my relationship to end like my parents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my friends etc. I want to have a life long marriage like my Granny and Pop, over 50 years together.. And still going strong.. I guess my fear is growing old and alone...

2.) I am deathly afraid of being like my mom (this is normally not a bad thing for most people). My mom ran away from us when we were little, she gave us up without a fight to my dad, signed her rights over and took off to live with another man.. She didnt want us back then. I pride myself on being nothing like her.. I pride myself on spending time with my family and keeping that closeness with them all from my aunts to my dad to my sister to everyone. I am so scared that one day I will get the nerve to run and I will.. That is why I tell myself everyday I am nothing like her.. I tell myself every day that I WILL BE NOTHING LIKE HER.. I want to be a great mom who grows old into a great grandma (like my granny) and who shares the love with her children and her childrens children like my granny does.

3.) This would be my last big fear.. My last big fear.. Is losing my loved ones. Although this is unavoidable I am not okay with it.. I cant imagine my family with out these people in it. The days draw near where I know i will be faced with burrying my family members and friends but this scares me.. Especially not having ever truly lost a family memember I was really close to.. I have lost friends, I have lost family but not my family tree family.. Not Aunts, Not uncles, not grandparents. THIS IS SCARY TO ME.... I cant imagine my life with out those people in it.. and I dont want my children to never get the chance to know such wonderful people.


Well those are my fears.. Take it or leave it.. This is who I am

I am grateful for my hands because!!!!!

I am grateful for my hands because with out them i could not hold my husbands hand, I could not write or type or paint or drive.. I am thankful for my hands because I am able to tickle my niece and hold her in the air. I am thankful for my hands becuae I am able to cook (which is my favorite pass time) I am thankful for my hands because I am able to use them to communicate with, to hug or pat someone with. To check for dust on my mantle. To pick a simple flower.. In general I am thankful to be healthy and happy.